One of my favourite thinkers, Daniel Pink, with a few useful skills to navigate difficult situations. Here’s a little more context on each idea:
1. Choose reflection over reflex
There is a small gap or space between something that happens (a trigger event) and your response. Once we realise that this space is there, we can choose our response. After taking this on board, I can longer say. ‘You made me angry, or it’s frustrating when they don’t get X done in time. I can ask myself what response will be most useful in the given context. This idea was taken from ‘Man’s search for meaning’ by Viktor Frankl.
2. Bring softness, not hostility
The moment you act in a hostile manner, the emotional brain (limbic system) of the person in front of you will go into fight/flight mode. There is very little logic here, so you will unlikely have a reasonable encounter.
3. Be curious, not Judgemental
In a judgemental mode, you learn nothing at all. Only your model of the world is on offer, and you make any behaviours, decisions or thinking of the other person wrong. Instead, a presupposition is useful. ‘All behaviour has a positive intention’ In this mode, you can become curious about how the other person made the decision, chose their behaviours or has the thinking they have. Changing someone’s mind is impossible in judgement, but in curiosity, they might well see the errors in their thinking with careful questioning.
Have a great weekend.
